Understanding the Stress System: A Guide to Building Resilience
Stress is one of the most common issues clients bring to my office, as it often cascades into multiple areas of life: relationship stress, job burnout, academic fatigue, or working demanding hours. While stress and psychological stress are complex topics with various influences, I like to educate my clients and simplify them through the lens of the nervous system. Simply put, stress = nervous system dysregulation.
Our stress system was originally designed for survival. It evolved to detect and respond to immediate threats, such as predators, physical danger, and the need for self-preservation. However, in today’s world, stress is no longer just about survival; it’s often tied to ongoing challenges like work, finances, and relationships. Understanding how our stress system works, why it sometimes misfires, and how to manage it effectively is key to navigating modern life.
The Stress System: Designed for Survival
Original Purpose:
The stress system evolved for self-preservation, enabling us to detect and respond to immediate dangers.
It triggered short-term survival responses, like the fight, flight, or freeze response (e.g., the sympathetic nervous system), to handle physical threats.
Modern Stress:
Today, stress is more often triggered by long-term pressures, such as work demands, financial worries, or relationship challenges.
The same system designed for physical threats now reacts to mental and emotional challenges. Our brains have not developed a separate mechanism for psychological stress. It’s like running new software (cognitive stress) on old, outdated hardware (our ancient brain).
Adaptive vs. Maladaptive Stress
We often view stress in its maladaptive form but fail to recognize that positive changes, life transitions, and establishing new goals or habits also induce stress. By understanding both adaptive and maladaptive stress, we can better assess what might be contributing to our overall stress levels. When I explain adaptive stress to clients, they often say, “Oh, so I’m doing a lot. Maybe I should ease off the gas pedal a bit.”
Adaptive Stress (Healthy Stress):
Drives growth, motivates us to perform at our best, and keeps us engaged with life.
Examples: Pursuing a promotion, striving for academic achievements, or training for a marathon.
Enhances focus, critical thinking, and overall resilience.
Maladaptive Stress (Unhealthy Stress):
Becomes chronic and unchecked, taking a toll on mental and physical well-being.
Persistent stress is linked to health issues like anxiety, depression, burnout, and various chronic conditions.
The Neuroanatomy of Stress
While this is a simplified explanation of what goes on in the brain, learning and understanding these 2 regions can help outline what exactly is going on in the brain.
Prefrontal Cortex (PFC): The Rational Hub
The PFC is responsible for decision-making, reflection, and problem-solving. When we are under low or manageable stress, the PFC is active, allowing us to think clearly.
However, during periods of high stress, the PFC becomes less active, which impairs our ability to make rational decisions or think critically. Does this sound familiar?
Amygdala: The Emotional Hub
Think of the amygdala as your brain's “smoke detector” for danger. It quickly triggers fight-or-flight responses in moments of perceived threat.
When stress becomes chronic, the amygdala remains over-activated, turning what should be temporary reactions into persistent feelings of anxiety.
The Inner Critic in Overdrive
Knowing how the amygdala operates, how does this relate to negative thoughts and self-talk?
Amplified Effects of Stress:
Stress amplifies the inner critic: the voice that judges and criticizes us; making it louder and more demanding.
Heightened stress causes hypervigilance, leading to fixation on negative experiences and reinforcing anxiety.
The amygdala, in its role of scanning for threats and ensuring safety, unintentionally fuels the inner critic by encouraging negative self-talk to "protect" us from potential harm (e.g., embarrassment, rejection).
Behavioral Impacts:
Stress can push us into our comfort zones, where we engage in behaviors aimed at self-preservation but that limit growth (e.g., isolation, avoiding risks).
The overactive stress response also inhibits the PFC, making it harder to think calmly or make thoughtful decisions.
Coping with Stress: The Window of Tolerance
The Window of Tolerance is a term used to describe the optimal state where we can process emotions and handle stress effectively. In this state, we are calm, balanced, and able to think clearly.
Signs You’re in the Window of Tolerance:
You’re able to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships.
You stay present in the moment, avoiding ruminating on the past or excessively worrying about the future.
You are present, able to navigate conflict and daily life stress without skipping a beat.
Dysregulation Indicators:
Hyperarousal: This manifests as anxiety, irritability, or anger. Your body is on high alert, ready for action.
Hypoarousal: This is a state of emotional shutdown, where you feel disconnected or unmotivated, often leading to disengagement.
Resetting the Stress Response
A really effective and simple intervention to help manage stress on the spot is utilizing our physiology.
The Biology of Stress:
Stress triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline, both of which activate the fight-or-flight response. This is our body’s natural way of preparing for action. During periods of chronic stress, there tends to be a low hum of this activation, making it difficult to reach states of calm and relaxation.
To reset, we need to activate the parasympathetic nervous system; the “rest and digest” system, which calms the stress response. This will inevitable release the appropriate neurotransmitters and signalling to your body to relax, disengage and you are now safe.
How to Reset:
High-intensity exercise: Even just 45 seconds of intense activity can help lower cortisol levels and boost endorphins, improving mood.
Deep breathing and grounding techniques: These help calm the fight-or-flight response, bringing you back to the present moment and reducing stress.
Foundations of Stress Management
Think of these areas as tools to expand your Window of Tolerance:
Sleep: Quality sleep is essential for emotional regulation. It helps consolidate memories and supports overall mental and physical health. Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker is a highly recommended read. Spoiler alert: sleep is essential for virtually every mechanism and process of our lives.
Balanced Diet: A healthy diet helps stabilize your mood and supports brain health, which in turn allows for better stress management.
Exercise: Physical activity not only reduces cortisol but also enhances neuroplasticity, which improves your brain’s ability to adapt to stress. Although people who know me know I lift weights and love working out, it’s not the be all and end all. I tell clients getting some activity no matter what it is, can contribute to an exercise regime.
Vitamin D: Vitamin D plays a key role in reducing inflammation, which is often elevated in times of stress.
Media Use: Limiting exposure to overstimulating media helps prevent chronic arousal, allowing your body and mind to relax.
Social Connections: Meaningful relationships can lower stress hormones and promote a sense of calm, making it easier to navigate challenges. I understand that when someone experiences anxiety & depression that it can make it really difficult to see people. I don’t force my clients to see people, but I highlight the value of staying connected to your community, friends and family.
The Science Behind Breathing & Grounding
You 100% have heard it before in movies or shows when one character tells another to “breathe” or “look at me”. Simple as it is, breathing and engaging in your senses help manage stress. It’s cliché, but I mean it’s also very true.
Breathing Exercises:
Breathing exercises stimulate the vagus nerve, which activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping to bring your body out of fight-or-flight mode.
Example: Box breathing, where you inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and hold for 4. This simple technique can quickly calm the body and mind.
Grounding Techniques:
Grounding techniques help anchor you in the present, taking your focus away from stressors and returning you to the here and now.
Example: The 5-4-3-2-1 method involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
The Power of Gratitude and Cognitive Reframing
Self-help books have highlighted the importance of being grateful and the power of belief. While it’s in mainstream media now, these practices have been time-tested and well backed by empirical research and utilized in counselling and psychology throughout the years.
Gratitude Practices:
Focusing on gratitude helps quiet the inner critic and reduces stress. When you actively seek out things to be thankful for, it shifts your perspective and reduces negative thinking.
Principle: What you focus on grows—by intentionally directing your thoughts toward the positive, you create a shift in mindset.
Cognitive Reframing:
Cognitive reframing involves changing the way you interpret stressful situations, turning challenges into opportunities for growth.
Example: Instead of viewing a difficult task as a failure, reframe it as a valuable learning experience.
The Psychology of Self-Compassion
When I first heard about self-compassion in my early twenties in my personal development journey I thought it was quite a lame concept. Why treat myself nicely when I have not achieved anything to receive it? My fiancé always points out how much I have changed from always never celebrating my accomplishments because “the job’s not finished” or never acknowledging my wins. How times have changed. I now highlight self-compassion in my practice as I have seen it’s transformative power at work.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a close friend during tough times. It’s the antidote to the inner critic, which only amplifies negativity.
The Science of Self-Compassion:
Research shows that self-compassion can lower cortisol levels, helping to reduce stress and alleviate tension.
It also calms the amygdala, promoting better emotional regulation, and strengthens the prefrontal cortex, encouraging thoughtful decision-making.
By understanding how your stress system works and incorporating simple, evidence-based tools like exercise, breathing techniques, gratitude practices, and self-compassion, you can begin shifting from survival mode to thriving mode. Take small, intentional steps each day—your brain and body will thank you.